


I Didn't Know That I Was Starving 'Til I Tasted You

by madlaw



Series: All About The Music [1]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Alaska, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bishop Texas, F/F, Miami, Root plays hard to get, Root's Aliases, Root's not dead, Shaw chases Root, Shaw's introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-25 22:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9849965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madlaw/pseuds/madlaw
Summary: Root smiles the way she only ever smiles for Shaw.  “Okay.  I believe you wanted sex first?”





	

_You know just how to make my heart beat faster_

_Emotional earthquake_

_Bring on disaster_

 

* * *

 

The phone rings as Shaw’s walking by with Bear.  She looks at it doubtfully, but picks it up anyway.  It’s the Machine asking her to go to the subway.  Shaw smiles.  The Machine survived.  Shaw needs something to keep her going and working the numbers is better than other options she’s considered, like working international heists with Tomas.  But she rejected that idea immediately, she couldn’t do that to Root’s memory.  She might come back to haunt Shaw. 

She hangs up and heads for the subway.

Shaw hasn’t been back since the day it all happened.  The day John died and Finch disappeared after the destruction of Samaritan.  The hole’s still in the wall although the subway car is back.  Shaw wonders how the Machine pulled that off.

There are lights on inside the car and she thinks she hears the light clacking of the keys.  She draws her gun, but before she can stop him Bear bounds towards the light.  He disappears inside, but he isn’t barking or growling and Shaw doesn’t hear any squeals of pain she would expect if he’d cornered an intruder.

Still, she approaches the door cautiously, leading with her gun.  There’s someone sitting at the keyboard in front of the Machine.  Tall.  Brunette.  But it can’t possibly be.  Yet she knows it’s exactly who she thinks even before the woman turns around.  She knows the same way she’s always known when they’re in close proximity.  Her body tells her.  It relaxes and gravitates towards her, no matter how much Shaw fights it.

“Root,” she whispers.  She almost wishes the woman doesn’t turn around so she can live a little longer in a reality where Root’s not dead and her life didn’t sink into a grey abyss like the one she lived in before Root.  But she does turn around.

She speaks quietly.  “Hi Sam…”  Shaw freezes for a second and then lunges forward.  Root expects a punch for letting Shaw think she was dead, but instead gets a tight hug.  Root hugs her back and inhales the unique smell she associates with home.  After a minute, which is about 59 seconds more than Root thought the hug would last, Shaw pushes her back.  Root winces.

“What the hell Root!”  Now this is more like the reaction Root expected.  Shaw’s mind makes the intuitive leaps from Root’s death to Finch’s sudden willingness to unleash the Machine.  “Did you know?”  Root knows exactly what Shaw’s asking.  Did she know what the Machine was up to?

“No.  Of course not Sameen.  Even if I needed to keep everyone else in the dark, I would’ve told you.  I woke up yesterday in a private hospital.  I was in a medically induced coma.  Evidently it was touch and go for awhile.  I’m still in a lot of pain, but I wanted to see you and tell you in person.”

Shaw feels overwhelmed with feelings bombarding her, so she does what comes natural.  She shuts down.  “Well it worked, so I guess She knew what She was doing.  Are the numbers going to start up again?”  Root nods yes slowly.  “Good.  I’ll wait for the next call.  I’ll…see you around then I guess.”  Root’s devastated but not surprised.  Surprising would’ve been anything other than this reaction.  She looks at Shaw sadly.  “Sure Sam.”  Shaw calls Bear over and leaves the subway.

 

* * *

 

Root stares after her for a long time, not moving, hoping against hope Shaw returns.  But she doesn’t and Root forces herself to move.  She looks around the subway nostalgically, then sighs.  She packs up the few things she has and takes a last look around.  She walks out slowly, not sure she’ll ever be back here again.

Shaw walks to her apartment in a daze.  Root’s alive.  She’d just spent the last few weeks hoping against hope she was in a simulation and she’d wake up and Root would be alive.  Turns out she wasn’t in a simulation, but Root is very much alive. 

Shaw knows she shouldn’t have walked out without saying something else; maybe she shouldn’t have walked out at all.  She’d spent nine months holding on to the thought of Root and then weeks wishing Root was alive, wondering how’d she remake her life without her.  Not sure she’d succeed.  But what’s the first thing she does?  Walk away.

She turns around without going inside her apartment.  But when she makes it back to the subway Root’s gone.  She’s not sure what she expected.  Actually she knows exactly what she expected.  She expected Root to be there waiting for her the way she’s always waited for Shaw. 

There’s something strange about the emptiness in the subway and Shaw looks around in confusion.  She looks towards the little alcove where she’d spent all her time in hiding.  The same alcove where Root spent a lot of her time in between covers.  That’s when she notices.  The bunny slippers.  They’re gone.  So is the purple blanket. 

Shaw walks over in trepidation.  There’s one other item Root kept here.  If it’s gone Shaw will know Root isn’t planning on coming back.  Root didn’t think Shaw knew.  Shaw maintained the illusion because if Root realized she knew, she’d have to insist Root get rid of it.  She approaches the small bookcase slowly.  She opens the book, Fahrenheit 451.  But it’s gone. 

The picture of her and Root.  They weren’t posing together.  It was some random moment the Machine must have captured.  But Shaw was looking at Root with a smile and genuine affection in her eyes.  Root kept it in this book.  There’s even a noticeable separation of pages where it’d been for years.  So Shaw knows.  Root’s not coming back.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few months she works the numbers.  Since the Machine is now an open system, she handles the tech side of things while Shaw saves or captures the numbers as appropriate.  Shaw keeps expecting things will feel normal again.  But they don’t.   

At first she thinks it’s just the unfamiliar feeling of working the numbers without the team.  But as the weeks pass, she realizes it’s only one person she misses.  Root.  Shaw hasn’t heard from her since the day at the subway when she came to tell Shaw she was alive.  It finally dawns on Shaw.  If she wants Root, she’s going to have to go find her.

After a few more days, she decides it’s time.  She leaves Bear with Fusco and tells the Machine to bring one of the other teams to New York to work the numbers.  She asks Her where she can find Root.  But the Machine tells her Root went off the grid the minute she left New York.  Root gave up her connection to the Machine?  Shaw would never have believed Root would willingly break her connection to Her.  It dawns on Shaw.  Root really left.  Left her.  The question is where would she go?

 

* * *

 

Shaw’s in Bishop, Texas standing at Hanna Frey’s grave.  Hanna was Root’s childhood friend.  She disappeared when Root was only 11.  When they were tracking Root, Reese and Carter found her body after bringing to light the identity of her killer.  Root set him up to be murdered years ago, but Hanna’s body had never been found and no one knew what Root knew.  The identity of the killer, Trent Russell.  After her body was discovered, Hanna was given a proper burial.  Shaw knows how much Root loved Hanna, but as far as Shaw knows, Root never had the opportunity to pay her respects.

Shaw notices a toy wagon sitting at the foot of the tombstone.  It takes her a minute, but then she remembers something Root told her a long time ago.  Root and Hanna played a game at the library called Oregon Trail.  The real trail served as a road for settlers heading west in wagons.  The wagon looks a little worn, but not like it’s been here for more than a few months.  So Root was here.

Shaw spends a few days talking to people in town, trying to pick up a lead on where Root would have headed next.  She has to bring out her intimidating persona.  Small town people really don’t trust strangers.  She's able to confirm Root had indeed been in town for a few hours one day a few months ago.  Someone saw her at the cemetery. 

The nearest airport to Bishop is thirty miles away in Corpus Christi.  So Root either rented or stole a car to get here.  But since the fall of Samaritan, hiding isn’t really necessary anymore.  So maybe Root had rented a car.  In any case, it’s the only lead Shaw has.  She heads to the airport.

She comes up with a cover story.  Someone driving one of their cars had gotten in an accident a few months ago and fled the scene.  She was an investigator trying to track the driver down.  It’s not too far from the truth.  The day at the subway had been a train wreck and Root fled.  But none of the car rental agencies rented a car to anyone named Samantha Groves in the last few months.

Shaw hears her name being paged over the airport loudspeakers.  She goes to the nearest courtesy desk and they tell her a package was dropped off for her.  Shaw waits a few minutes for an airport employee to bring her the package.  It’s a picture of Root.  The Machine is sending her a message.  Show Root’s picture to the car rental agents.  At the fourth agency an employee recognizes Root’s picture.  She stuck out in his mind because as he phrased it, “she’s hot.” 

Shaw fights the impulse to slap his mouth and learns Root rented the car under the name Veronica Sinclair.  It’s the alias she was using when they met.  The car was returned the same day.  He looks up the paperwork.  It lists the flight information of the departing flight.  They make sure to get it because you’re only allowed to rent at the airport if you’re flying in or out. 

Of course Root could’ve easily lied, but it won’t hurt to check.  She has the Machine look into it.  Yes, the flight listed on the rental car agreement shows a passenger named Veronica Sinclair on their manifest.  The final destination was Juno, Alaska.  Shaw rolls her eyes to herself.  Of course nothing with Root is easy.  Shaw books the next flight out.

Root and Shaw worked on a mission together in Alaska taking out a local militia about to acquire a biological weapon.  So Shaw heads to the bar where the group was headquartered.  But if she was here, it’s not going to be easy to find her.  This type of bar doesn’t take credit cards, not that Root would use one, and they don’t have any security cameras anywhere near here. 

The bartender points out the regulars and she spends two days showing Root’s picture around before someone recognizes her.  Again the common theme.  Some guy remembers her because she’s “hot.”  He also remembers she talked about heading to somewhere “hot” next to thaw out.

Their next mission after they were done in Alaska took them to Miami.  Shaw’s beginning to see a theme.  She wonders if she should skip Miami and head to St. Louis.  Then again, they hadn’t gone to St. Louis together.  Shaw books a flight to Miami.

When she lands she goes directly to the bar where they’d caught up to the number.  She has the same problem here as she had in Alaska, but this is not the type bar where regulars hang out.  It’s a place yuppies go for happy hour.  But they do have cameras.  She has the Machine search the footage.  There is one woman who could be Root, but she never looks at any of the cameras, almost like she knew they were there.

It occurs to Shaw maybe Root’s using one of the other aliases she used when they worked together.  Karen Iverson.  It’s the alias Root used when they were trying to save Simon Lee.  It’s the mission where she asked Finch to give Shaw a message should something happen to her.  She survived but Finch still gave Shaw her message.  She has the Machine search local hotels and flights out of Miami.  She stayed one night at the Delano. 

There’s nothing under the Iverson alias on flights leaving Miami.  But Shaw thinks she finally understands the pattern of the aliases Root used or may still be using.  They’re all ones she used when she worked with Shaw in some capacity and she’s using them in order.  She has the Machine check for Melinda Porter. 

It was the alias Root used when Shaw was working with Tomas.  Root was jealous and Shaw went to find her after the mission.  It was another occasion where Shaw had the opportunity to tell Root she cared about her, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.  So she’d brushed Root’s question aside with a joke.

The Machine finds the name on a flight manifest on the same day the mystery woman was at the bar.  The flight went to New York.  Shaw can’t believe she may have treked all over the country to find Root when she was in New York the whole time.  In any case, it’s the only lead.  So she flies home.

 

* * *

 

Once in New York the Machine can’t find any clue to Root’s whereabouts under any alias Root used.  It’s a dead end.  But Shaw knows there’s a point to this whole search.  Where would Root go?  A place connected to her and Shaw.  But where?

It finally dawns on Shaw.  The Suffolk Hotel, room 1458, where it all began.  Shaw heads there directly from the airport.  She stands across the street.  If this is it, if she found Root, then what?  Root’s been trying to tell her something with this whole exercise.  Only one thing makes sense to Shaw.  She went all over the country to find Root, when she was right here all along.  Everything she needs has been right next to her for years.

As she’s gathering her courage, she sees Root exit the hotel with a woman.  Shaw can’t tell what she looks like from across the street, but she can tell she has a great body.  She freezes when she sees them kiss intimately before they separate.  So.  Shaw is too late.  Root’s definitely moved on.  Shaw decides she needs to leave, which is what Shaw always does.  But she can’t move.  She sees Root go back into the hotel.

Fuck it.  Root put her through all this for nothing?  But Shaw knows her anger is unfair.  It’s been almost a year since Root left the subway.  How long exactly did she expect Root to wait for her?  Shaw takes a deep breath and makes the most difficult decision of her whole life.  It’s harder than the ones she made working for the government or in war zones all over the world.  Because this time the aftermath might be devastating to Shaw personally and permanently.

She decides to stop thinking.  She crosses the street and heads up to the room without even checking at the front desk.  She has no doubt the room she needs.  She knocks on the door.  Root opens but she’s looking back into the room at something.  “Did you forget something honey?”  Shaw doesn’t say anything and Root realizes there’s no answer to her question.  She finally turns and looks.

“Shaw.”  Root’s dumfounded, but she steps aside and Shaw forces herself to enter.  ‘Honey?’  She already has a relationship where they’re using sappy nicknames?  Shaw feels anger crawling up her spine.  But she suppresses it.  Root sits down but instead of sitting across from her, Shaw sits next to her. 

“Should I check the bathroom for handcuffed women?”  Shaw knows it’s probably in poor taste but she needed to say something.  Root laughs nervously but the smile never reaches her eyes.  They stare at each other quietly for a minute.

“Why are you here Sameen?” 

“I followed your trail from New York all over the country.  It led me here.”

“Why?”

“I missed you.  I wanted you to come back.”

“It’s been almost a year Sam.  How long exactly was I supposed to wait for you to come looking for me?”

Shaw sighs.  “I don’t know…I saw you downstairs.  Girlfriend?”

Root can see the pain in Shaw’s eyes and she really has no desire to hurt Shaw.  While Shaw waits for an answer she looks around.  There’s no sign of another person staying here.  Then she spots it.  The picture of Shaw and Root in a frame on the nightstand.

“No.  Just a casual hook-up every once in a while.”  Shaw’s not sure that answer hurts any less than a yes would’ve.  But something occurs to her.

“Why are you still staying here?  Like you said, it’s been almost a year.  You seem to have moved on so why bother staying?”

“Because I’m a fool.  Because I was willing to wait however long it took.  Even if it was forever.  I held on to someday.  I had to be somewhere you would find me.  Assuming you came looking.”

“Then why…?”  But she doesn’t finish the sentence.  But with Root it’s never necessary.  Root’s always been able to read her.  She knows her.

“It’s just sex Shaw.  It’s not like I was betraying you.  You walked out on me.  You knew how easy it would be for you to get me to stay.  All you had to do was ask.  Instead you left with not even a reassurance we would see each other again.  ‘…see you around then I guess.’  Those were your words.

I just couldn’t go back.  I couldn’t pretend nothing existed between us anymore.  I thought maybe after the simulations, after what you told me, that maybe you’d be willing to try…something different.  But you left.  Again.  I knew if I stayed nothing would change.  So I left.  But I left you a way to find me; you just had to look.”

“What was the point of making me trek all over the country?”

Root smiles sadly.  “I wanted _you_ to know the lengths you would go to in order to find me.  I thought maybe it’d tell you something.  About what I mean to you.  About what you want from me.  About what we could have together.  So tell me Sameen…did it teach you anything?”

“Yes.”  But Shaw still doesn’t have the words to express it or explain it.

She’s mesmerized by Root’s champagne eyes, sparking and catching the light streaming through the window, beautiful and decadent.  She draws her eyes away reluctantly, only to get ensnared in Root’s lips.  They’re parted slightly, persuasive, their curve like an archer’s bow, tempting and charming at the same time.  Shaw tries, but can’t tear herself away, the pale curve of her slender neck, graceful and elegant, chestnut hair in its usual twist.

She leans in slowly, stopping millimeters from Root’s mouth, her breath hot on Root’s lip.  She lets the tip of her tongue trace Root’s lip tentatively and then presses their lips together so delicately, Root’s not sure they’re touching.  Slowly Shaw takes Root’s upper lip between hers and tugs softly, her tongue tantalizing.  Root’s heart is racing and she moans into Shaw’s mouth.  Shaw deepens the kiss, agonizingly deliberate, and Root drowns, only coming up for air when her lungs demand it.  She’s gasping and she can feel Shaw’s heartbeat against her hand.

Root leans her forehead against Shaw’s until her heart stops beating out of her chest.  “Sameen…we already know we’re good at this part.  But I’m not willing to settle.  I want all of you or none of you.”  Shaw sighs; she knows she didn’t chase Root across the country for sex.  She wants more too.  But she’s not sure what that _more_ looks like.

So she deflects to give herself time to think.  “Who was the woman downstairs Root?”

Root smiles slyly.  “What makes you think she’s anything other than what I said?”

Shaw rolls her eyes and shakes her head and it reminds Root how much she’s missed everything about Shaw.  “Well, you weren’t actually kissing her; your lips were pressed together tightly like your tongue would disintegrate if it entered her mouth.  Also, the bed’s made.  If you’d had sex in this room anytime after 10am the bed would tell the tale.  Not to mention the air smells like you.  Not sex, not anyone else, just your clean crisp scent.

Although I was thrown for a moment, there’s another important reason I know you weren’t having sex with anyone, casual or otherwise.”  Root’s not denying anything, but she’s dying to hear what comes next.  “You never wanted sex with anyone but me after our night in the safe house.  You wouldn’t take no for an answer even when I pushed you away with all my considerable will.  You never gave up. 

Then I went missing and you looked for me for nine months, risking your life in countless ways.  You never gave up.  You’ve spent almost a year living in this hotel, in this room, waiting for me to come looking.  No way would you diminish everything that defines us for casual sex.”

Root smiles, but she’s not going to be so easily distracted.  “Yes, and you gave your life for me.  Then you survived nine months of torture for me.  You mourned my death.  Then there’s now.  You followed the vaguest of trails across the country and back to find me.  A trail you couldn’t have followed if you didn’t know me as well as you do.

So, Sameen, what now?”

Good question and Shaw answers it succinctly.  “Sex first.  We live together.  We spend the rest of our lives figuring the rest out.  Work for you?”

“Yes, Sameen.  That works for me.  But why?”

So much for the tuck and roll.  But Shaw’s not done deflecting.  “How’d you set up your ruse?  How’d you know I’d even come today?”

Root’s willing to give Shaw all the rope she needs, but she intends to hang her with it afterwards.  “I’m a hacker Shaw.  I tracked you.  Once I saw you followed the trail across the country, I knew you’d figure it out and come here.  I hired an actress and we hung out until I saw you across the street.”

Okay Shaw gets the mechanics.  “But why?”

“It was the last part of the test.  Would you still come to me if you thought I’d moved on?”

Shaw scowls.  “Don’t you think you took a dangerous risk?  I might’ve just walked away.”

“I know.  But either way it would tell me what I wanted to know.”

“Oh, and what’s that?”

“Whether you were committed to something deeper between us.  Now answer my question Sameen.  Why do you want to have sex and live together and spend the rest of our lives figuring it out?”

“Root I can’t say the words you want to hear.  I don’t know what it means to love someone.  But I never wanted anyone after our night in the safe house either.  When you left I missed the colors.  Everything else is grey except you. Somewhere along the way you became my home.  I feel safe, and calm, and content whenever you’re with me.  I trust you.”

Root knows the last one’s more important than the rest.  To Shaw, trust is everything.

Root smiles the way she only ever smiles for Shaw.  “Okay.  I believe you wanted sex first?”          

**Author's Note:**

> Title & lyrics from the song Starving by Hailee Stenfeld and Grey.


End file.
